Japanese Technology from the Future SATURDAY (oops)!
This week Japan's implementing a missile and/or terror attack warning system into mobile email, a Japanese newspaper thinks it has the inside track on the iPhone 6, and in a HUGE victory for pseudo-environmentalist anti-nuclear hippies the world over, Japan's looking to import more coal!
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Welcome to Japanese Technology from the Future Friday Saturday!
It’s already Friday Saturday west of the international dateline – here in Japan, it’s totally the future. The weekly JTFF is our somewhat Technosnarky coverage of 2-5 particularly important, specifically Japan-related tech stories. Get yourself hip to the micro & macro that went down while North America was sleeping – check in with Akihabara News (usually) every Friday (not Saturday) morning and BOOM! Ahead of the game, you win.
:: JTFFS – March 29, 2014 ::
• Japanese Missile Attack & Terror Alerts by Email
In an intriguing little paranoia, starting next Tuesday national and regional alerts for incoming missing attacks and terror alerts will be distributed via mobile email to users on Japan’s big three mobile carriers: Docomo, AU, and Softbank. We guess it’ll be much like the earthquake alert systems, which sometime do and sometimes don’t work. And really, this had to be a make-work jobs program or something… see, pretty much no one wants to terrorize Japan, China will never do anything to (truly) jeopardize relations with their largest trading partner (all that political theater is just smoke & mirrors for the hard of thinking), and in their hearts, North Korea knows that any serious aggression toward Japan would put them and their balsa wood missiles under the foot of the United States. But anyway, yeah - cool tech, guys.
[MISSILE & TERROR ALERTS BY EMAIL - JIJI PRESS VIA ENGADGET]
• We’re Required by the Official iPhone 6 Rumor Mill Coalition to Inform You that the Nikkei Newspaper Says Apple’s Next iPhone will be Phabletty
Well, it is the season for iPhone rumors, and somehow people at the Nikkei - no sources cited - are pretty sure that Apple’s going to release a gigantic iPhone this September, and it’s supposed to be considerably larger than the already decently sized 5S. This surprises exactly no one. And although the iPhone definitely dominates the Japanese smartphone market, who knows why or how a Japanese media firm would have the inside track on a device from California (J-based component supplier, perhaps?). Anyway, we’re only repeating this news because that’s what you’re supposed to do. See, society at large is devoid of hope and motivation and excitement for the broader future of humanity, so this kind of consumer product-based supposed insider gossip is fundamental to the bourgeoisie strategy of divide to conquer (i.e., Apple vs. Android); distract the masses and make sure they don’t notice the real problems, but instead just chase the next shiny thing dangled in front of their reptilian brains… OKAY, okay, not really - the JTFF doesn’t really believe that, but we do believe this: iPhone rumors are a marketing tool, and as information for you the reader, what good are they? Likewise, the JTFF could rightly ask ourselves the same question, but we actually have an answer: MORE PAGEVIEWS, SON! Thank you, dear reader, for your manipulation...err, cooperation.
[BIG SURPRISE THE NEXT iPHONE WILL BE BIGGER MAYBE - INDIAN EXPRESS]
• In Anti-Nuclear Hippies are Ruining the Environment and the JTFF is Always Right News: Japan’s Very Interested in Coal because Fukushima Happened
Anti-nuclear activists, this is your fault.
The JTFF is just going to quote itself:
“Children of the earth, wherever you call home, if you don’t like nuclear tech, fine - opinions are your right. But, have you anything better or safer that’s viable like... now? No, you do not. Since renewables and alternatives are not ready on a large enough scale, if you refuse nuclear, just like Japan you must either extract or import more fossil fuels. Period. Full stop. That is your only choice. That, or live without electricity.
Still unmoved? Okay, go ahead and add up all the environmental damage and human death and suffering caused by generating electricity with nuclear power. Then, do the same for that derived of fossil fuels. Examine your figures. Comprende? 分かりますか？
If it the point doesn’t yet penetrate, or perhaps you really want to explore intellectual masochism, let’s get more specific: And ohhh boy, there’s just so much to choose from… AH-HA! Okay, go ahead and research the Deepwater Horizon disaster a little bit. That single event in fossil fuel extraction history has caused more death and environmental destruction than all nuclear accidents since Chernobyl, and yes, here's that word: combined.
And just to be generous, here are few more words: Gulf of Mexico. Oil-rich countries of the Middle East. The land area affected by the frakking boom in North America.”
[JAPAN HOPING TO TURN TO COAL - FOX NEWS]
That was the JTFFS, and live from the future – that is all.
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Tokyo at Night via PhotoEverywhere.